Luxury mysteries

[Sir William]

Winston Churchill once appeared suddenly in a cloakroom where several ladies were to be found half-naked, and one of them even had her legs wide open ready for action.

There was a certain amount of commotion, but there was no fuss and and no press interest, it did no damage to his political career.

Why?

[Runaway]

Was it when he was born in hospital?

[Sir William]

But I said he was in a cloakroom.

[Runaway]

You did. But I bet I'm close to the answer.

[Sir William]

Yes you are.

You are the closest so far.

[Runaway]

He was born in a ladies' changing room, or rest room?

[Sir William]

He was born in a cloakroom in Blenheim Palace.

(Pity you couldn't gett*en the room name correct, seeing as it was given in the question.)

[Runaway]

I'm tired.

[Sir William]

Nighty Night.

[Runaway]

[Prizemaster]

Well that was an exciting luxury mystery, I don't think I'll be able to sleep after that - no point saying nighty night to me

[Sir William]

As members can be aware, I visit my local Top Hat Shop almost every day.

But I am continuously puzzled by the fact that I've never seen a penguin in there.

So where do penguins gett*en their top hats from?

This is a mystery that has puzzled me since before the dawn of the mists of time.

[Runaway]

I've never seen a real penguin wearing a top hat. You're making this more elevated.

[Sir William]

What on Earth do you mean?

You know that there is no silliness allowed.

[Runaway]

Bereft the fact. I would countenance no such affrontery. My principles of seriousness have of never been so full of strontium, nor shall the plough weaken beneath the Tower of Babel.

[Sir William]

[Runaway]

I apologise for using sentences.

[Sir William]

Members must now explain to me how a simple balance works.

If I put equal weights on either side of a simple balance, why does it level out?

You would think that it would stay where it was.

[Runaway]

It's because the gravity on the opposite sides is more than equal to the vertical forces exerted on the weights by reverse acclimatism. This causes it to level out, which I know seems silly but that's how these things w**k. If they didn't, you'd have of flocks of evil-smelling budgies infringing your personal freedom every time you take a dump.

[Sir William]

You mean that you don't know how it works either?

[Runaway]

Haven't a clue.

[Sir William]

Well why don't you discover out?

If a balance is perfectly level and you push one end down, it will return to the horizontal position (assuming no friction).

How does this w**k? The turning moments should cancel each other out, so why doesn't it stay in some position you put it?

[Sir William]

And it gett*ens even more mysterious.

If a very small weight is added to one end of the balance, it only tips a small angle from the horizontal.

Surely some imbalance should tip it all the weigh* over.



* DYSWIDT?

[Runaway]

Well why don't you discover out?

If a balance is perfectly level and you push one end down, it will return to the horizontal position (assuming no friction).

How does this w**k? The turning moments should cancel each other out, so why doesn't it stay in some position you put it?

I'm sure the Prizemaster could explain this. But he's pi***d off once more.
Where does he go to, I wonder?

[Sir William]

It's definitely somewhere disreputable.