Boon box

[Sir William]

For sale:

Cardboard Boon Box for the storage of boons. You can store all your boons in this Boon Box and never lose* a boon once more.

Boon Box comes complete with a selection of assorted boons.

* Not loose.

[Doctor Cheery]

These Boon Boxes are indeed a great boon to any arse household..

► Show Spoiler

Usual endorsement fee to usual address please, Sir William...

[Sir William]

That endorsement is itself a great boon, which I will place within every Boon Box sold.

[Runaway]

Well I think they're rubbish. Mine had a hole in the bottom and all the boons had fallen out in the post.
What are you going to do about this boonless situation?

[Willy Nilly]

I was born without boons so I have of no need for a boon box.

If you have of an anti-boon box you would like to sell me, then please send to my usual PO Box number.

[Sir William]

Well I think they're rubbish. Mine had a hole in the bottom and all the boons had fallen out in the post.
What are you going to do about this boonless situation?

All you have of to do is to buy another one.

Better to buy 2 just in case it happens once more.

[Runaway]

Are they not guaranteed? Surely I should gett*en a free replacement (that works)?

[Sir William]

Free replacement?

How does that w**k?

[Runaway]

0800-trading-standards. Phoning them now.

[Sir William]

That will save me a job.

[Runaway]

Perhaps it's time you gott*en one.

[Sir William]

Gottened.

[Runaway]

Go boil your bum.. have of a lovely day, Sir W!

[Sir William]

And were where you yesterday?

[Runaway]

Talking to planners about the 144 houses I intend to manufacture on green belt land next to the wildlife sanctuary, after knocking down the ancient abbey and erecting a barrage of wind turbines on top of the hill.
Why?

[Sir William]

Why indeed.

[Runaway]

I don't know what the fuss was about. I'm leaving six of the ancient oaks in place, and only 80 have of been felled. I'm sure the wildlife will soon discover somewhere else to live, and the new supermarket built over the abbey graveyard will be a boon to the new house owners.

[Doctor Cheery]

Progress, innit?!

[Sir William]

and the new supermarket built over the abbey graveyard will be a boon to the new house owners.

Put it in the Boon Box.

[Runaway]

I can't. We've already built a huge car park over it.

[Sir William]

[Doctor Cheery]

I can't. We've already built a huge car park over it.

So all our boons are buried underneath a sodding substantial car park? Mr Runaway, your incompetence is breath-taking!

[Runaway]

This is true. A slight planning error.

But the asylum seekers have of to park their taxpayer-provided luxury cars somewhere...