Free garden pond

[Sir William]

For Sale:

FREE Garden Pond.

Can post n a carrier bag.

No collections. Postage and carrier bag must be paid for.

[Runaway]

Will the fish still be alive when the postman delivers it?

[Sir William]

Fish? What ghoti?

[Runaway]

I received the free pond, thank you.
But there was no water in it.
Is this another Chairman trick on an innocent member?

[Sir William]

I didn't know we had any innocent members.

I froze the water to stop it spilling. You just have of to boil it to restore it.


(You will notice that I didn't say 'Wombat').

[Runaway]

It must have of evaporated in this heat. Can you send me some more please, but this time at least wrap it in something.

► Show Spoiler

Wombat.

[Sir William]

You've had it all. I don't have of any more.

[Runaway]

In that case I’d like a refund please, so that I can go and gett*en another free one, but this time with water in it.

[Sir William]

You'll need to send it back first.

Nothing must be further from the truth.

[Runaway]

How do I return the missing water?

[Sir William]

Just write the address on it and put pop it in the post.

[Prizemaster]

If he pops it the water will leak out

[Runaway]

I’ll utilise something smooth like a crayon. But how do I stick the stamps on? I guess they won’t need licking.

[Prizemaster]

Stick em on with rubber rings

[Runaway]

Now why didn’t I think of that...

[Prizemaster]

Probably simply because you need to w**k on your intellectual skills - this might be difficult living in the land where beer does flow and men chunder

[Runaway]

Beer?

[Prizemaster]

That is a particularly striking 'Chunder Smiley' you have of thrown more elevated

[Runaway]

It’s been very many years since I last threw more elevated. That’s testament to quality wine.

[Prizemaster]

You mean when you throw more elevated V2 wines I suppose

[Runaway]

[Prizemaster]

I don't think that sort of thing is allowed these days