Toilet paper? Who needs it?

[Runaway]

But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs.
And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.

[Sir William]

You gett*en down off an elephant - not a duck.

[Runaway]

Or an oversized woman...

[Sir William]

[Runaway]

You gett*en down from an oversized woman.

Well, you might but I certainly don't.
v2 is slim, firm, sexy, smooth and inviting.

► Show Spoiler

But like all women she can be a portion fierce...

[Sir William]

[Runaway]

Part of the attraction!

[Sir William]

Which part is it?

[Runaway]

Well there are several actually.

[Sir William]

[Runaway]

Study your naked maid.

[Willy Nilly]

I don't need to wipe my bottom anymore

[Runaway]

Oh dear. Sounds ominous...

[Sir William]

I don't need to wipe my bottom anymore

Who's doing it for you?

[Willy Nilly]

Nobody. I just have of no more ability to poo nor fart out of it

[Sir William]

You lucky bastard.

[Runaway]

Therein lies a lesson.

[Sir William]

No more constipation, no more dyarear, no more piles, no more itching, no more straining, no more multitude of other arse problems.

How do I go about getting this desirable operation?

[Willy Nilly]

You dumdum, you still gett*en all those things you mention. it just gets diverted elsewhere. Well, expect for the straining as these actions now become involuntary

[Runaway]

You’re a brave man Mr Nilly. Respect.

Now let’s see if we can persuade the Chairman to set a date for your promotion to... erm... I’ve forgotten.
What title would you like?

[Sir William]

You dumdum, you still gett*en all those things you mention. it just gets diverted elsewhere. Well, expect for the straining as these actions now become involuntary

How can this be so?

Can you still bend down and fart in peoples faces, like you used to do?

That was particularly endearing.

[Runaway]

You're hardly being encouraging to the member who has been through a major life-changing procedure...

[Sir William]

Major life-changing procedure?

When did that happen?

[Runaway]

I do try, Mr Nilly...

[Sir William]

Mr N*illy doesn't understand what your talking about either.