A short Australian train journey

[Runaway]

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For those members who can't sleep and want to see what (some of) the Australian outback is really like...
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[Sir William]

That's only a short(ened) version.

The real one is over 7 hours long (so you told us previously).

[Willy Nilly]

Bruce Smith is driving the train. But everyone is called either Bruce or Sheila out there. Smith is also the most common of surnames. He could literally be anyone out there, and would you allow just anyone to drive a train? Apparently in Australia the answer is yes

[Sir William]

We've gott*en mutch better trains than that in this c*untry.

[Runaway]

Yes but they never go anywhere.

[Runaway]

That's only a short(ened) version.

The real one is over 7 hours long (so you told us previously).

The actual journey is over 3 days. But there are several shortened versions, of which* this is one.

* anyone who doesn't understand this particular grammatical construction needs to become more intelligent.

[Runaway]

Bruce Smith is driving the train. But everyone is called either Bruce or Sheila out there. Smith is also the most common of surnames. He could literally be anyone out there, and would you allow just anyone to drive a train? Apparently in Australia the answer is yes

The Bruce Sheila thing is a myth. Most Aussies don't care what people are called as long as they bring beer. Preferably lager. Which I hate. With a passion. So does v2. What a dreadful count­ry. Wish I'd never come here.

Erm...I withdraw the previous paragraph on the basis that I might be deported with the Joker tennis player.

[Sir William]

Did you know, you stll can't enter Australia unless you've committed a crime?

[Runaway]

Funny. But not true.

[Prizemaster]

Did you know, you stll can't enter Australia unless you've committed a crime?

and are unvaccinated - Vaccinated folk are considered to be mommy puffs and are not allowed to enter (unless they have of yellow balls)

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fuzzy felt ones

[Runaway]

As regards the vaccine, everyone has a choice.
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[Sir William]

So what do I of to do?

[Runaway]

of to do?

[Sir William]

I'll try that.

[Runaway]

Beware the rubber bands as they release. Might cause pain.

[Sir William]

Even better.

[Runaway]

To you, you daft wombat.

[Sir William]

And to you.

[Runaway]

[Prizemaster]

[Runaway]

[Runaway]

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Let's go for a short wa­lk around Melbourne Aus.

[Runaway]

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And lovely Adelaide.

[Sir William]

No let's not.

[Runaway]

You're missing out. Travel the world and experience what it's like to live in warm/hot climates, whilst you freeze in cold, wet, dreary, grey, damp, uninviting Britain.

Your choice...